Josh Harrison graduates from his Part-1 RIBA degree in 2013, he is currently working as a RIBA Part-1 Architectural Assistant in Clerkenwell, London.
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Architecture Jokes

(...primarily backfiring on Architects) | Comment & add your own here!

A new architect showed up at his managers office. His manager, slightly confused, asked why he was there and also, why in the heck he brought his chair with him. The new architect replied, “I was told I needed to return my CAD seat”

Why don't architects get into heaven?

Jesus was a carpenter.

So, why is heaven considered to be a perfect place?

Because there are no architects to screw up the design 

An Architect, engineer, and doctor are going to the guillotine, the doctor goes first. Swish, down comes the blade and stops an inch from the doctor's neck. "A miracle," cries the crowd, "set him free." The engineer is next, and the exact same thing happens. He goes free. The architect ascends the scaffold, points upward and tells the executioner, "I see your problem, you have a kink in the rope right there."

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An Engineer, a Contractor and a Developer were asked to measure the height of a flag pole. The Engineer suggested that they measure the shadow calculate the time of day to get the sun angle to determine the hypotenuse as solve the problem. The Contractor suggested they build a scaffold to the top and measure directly the height. The Developer proposed hiring a consultant so that if anything went wrong they could blame them.

As this argument ensued an Architect happened by and was listening intently to the discussion. Once he had discerned the problem; he walked over to the pole, pulled it out of its mount, laid it down and measured it. After handing his results to the group, the Developer chimed in, “…isn’t that just like an Architect… you ask for height, and they give you length…”

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At a mayoral cocktail party one of the official guests walked up to me and said ... " They tell me you are an Architect ???......." Without waiting for my reply he said .. " What is it you are to blame for ?..."

"A man was flying in a hot air balloon and realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He lowered the balloon further and shouted: “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
The man below said” Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering about 30 feet above this field.”

The balloonist said with some irritation: “You must be an architect.”
“I am” replied the man, surprised with his deduction. “But how did you know?”
“Because everything you have told me is technically correct, but it doesn’t do ME any good” said the balloonist.

The man on the ground laughed, “Well, then, you must be a building contractor.”
“I am” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know THAT?”
“Well” said the Architect, “you don’t know where you are, or even where you are going, but you expect ME to be able to help you. Now you’re still in the same predicament you were in before we met, but now it’s MY fault.”
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"Everyone is an Architect until there is a problem, then the Architect's to blame!"

autocad

"The architect changed the window panes a few times until he realised he had a crack in his glasses."

An engineer, an architect and a contractor were out walking their dogs one Wednesday afternoon, each bragging about how well trained their dogs are. They decide to prove whose dog is the best.

The Engineer goes first, He says "Slide Rule take this stick out to the field and make it stand up." The dog does just that. Everyone says Wow!

The Architect goes next, "T-square, take these sticks out to the field and make a beautiful sculpture." To the amazement of the others the dog does it.

The Contractor says, "Watch this, 'Change Order' do your thing" The dog goes out to the field, takes the sticks back to his master and then goes and F...s the other 2 dogs!

Q: Which famous 20th century Swiss architect changed his name to match his drinking habits?
A: Le Corboozier.

Q: How are buildings shown in the architectural bible?
A: Plans, sections and revelations.

I used to design cul de sacs but I stopped. It was a dead end job.

//Shamefully borrowed from the deep dark depths of the internet//

 

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